Left is Right

So this is it- I'm officially in Oxford. I saw so many things my mind is on overload, and I'm quite sure it will be for the next four months. I'm beyond excited. I got to see so much of Oxford today. It was lovely outside, sunny but still cool. I walked at least 8 miles and didn't break a sweat, didn't even think once about being too hot. I so enjoy this weather, and I'm sure I won't get tired of it any time soon.

I'm all settled into my room. Calendar on the wall, pictures hung, scarves draped, clothes folded and put away. It's so nice to be completely moved in and not have to worry about doing any more of it tomorrow when I'm trying to further orient myself in this city that requires a general skill set of being able to know where you are, which I never do. I found my way to the city center with help, and discovered the location of Lush, which if you don't know, is a fantastic cosmetics company. I went grocery shopping the block over at the 9 to 9 and got a few meals sorted out, and I got shown around Oxford to all the good pubs, drank a delicious cup of cappuccino with an even more delightful scone, and spent a lovely walk in University Park, which I'm sure I'll be spending much of my study time at.

Anyways, the flight was smooth, didn't sleep a lick (ok, maybe twenty minutes), so at this point, I've been awake for about thirty hours straight, half of which was spent in travel, which included walking, buses, and airplanes. So, a quick story that amused me as I drift off to sleep.

As everyone knows, the English drive on the left side of the road, as opposed to the right as we Americans do. Here is why the left is right, according to a cabbie we met today: Back in the days of old, when you would gallop along the right side country roads lined with bushes with your fair maiden on the back of your horse, if a bandit or highwayman tried to ambush you, you would draw your sword. Well, considering most of the population is right handed, they would grab their sword, and their swords would get caught in the thicket, thus not being able to protect your fair maiden. However, if you were driving along the left side of the road, you would have plenty of room to wield your sword, lop of their heads, and protect your maiden. And this is why, left is right.

Had I Not Attempted

Ever since I abruptly left Ukraine, I've been writing in a five year journal called The Happiness Project (author Gretchen Rubin). It's blessed me in a way nothing else could. This little blue and yellow book, purchased at Barnes and Noble for some price that I no longer remember, has forced me to look over each day and find a silver lining, no matter how dark the cloud of my day may be. Some days, the cloud is black as night, and it takes me quite a while to find the shy silver ring around its edges; other days however, the entire cloud is a bright and gleaming sterling silver, and it's hard to pick what to write in the space that is only large enough for one sentence. At the top of each page is an inspirational quote- about happiness, passions, and anything else cheerful they could think of- because they needed 365 quotes, which I'm sure was a daunting task when they first set out. July 25 (I'm skipping ahead on my quotes, I know) has this quote:

"On the whole, though I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet as I was, by the endeavor, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been had I not attempted it." -Benjamin Franklin

This quote describes my past year perfectly. My GPA is not what I want it to be. I am not the size I want to be. I am not as outgoing as I want to be. I am not employed like I want to be. I'm not even in the country that I planned to be in. I strove for so much more than I accomplished. But in the process of not acomplishing these things that were once so important to me, I've acomplished so much more. I may only have a 3.4, but I have some amazing memories and friends that I would have never met had I sat in my room and studied. I may not be stick thin, but I've learned to love who I am, reguardless of what other people say I should be. I may not be outgoing, but if I was, I probably would be too loud to hear the smaller voices that have now impacted my life so much. I may not have an awesome job, but have a ton of time to reflect on my past year and learn from my mistakes and realize which ones were good ones to make. I may not be in Ukraine, but because I'm here in the US I've had the chance to bond with people I once felt estranged from, touch lives that I would have never encountered, and in turn, be touched by those same people.

I am a happier woman, having tried and failed, than having not attempted these things at all.

Trust and Being Content

Oh today. It was an interesting day. I was so busy today, and everything that could have gone wrong, did. It was so frustrating to have a thousand things I needed to do but not being able to do any of them. This week is the week that professors decide to load it on. I don't know what it is about the fifth week of school, but professors love having tests this week- it's a fact known all across campus. Taking as many classes as I am though, being busy is something that I expected- and I am fully capable of keeping up.

I've made progress on being healthy- I even went to the gym this week and ate healthy! I've never been a huge fan of the gym, because I feel like all the healthy people are judging me even though intellectually I know that they are focusing on themselves. I just hate being around other people- it makes me realize how unsatisfied I am with myself. This is where being content comes in. This is something that keeps coming up everywhere I turn- and I know it's a sign from God. I'm never content with where I'm at- physically, financially, emotionally, relationshiply (if that's even a word). But this week in my missions class we are working on the spiritual discipline of "solitude"- which I have to admit is extremely hard for me. My brain doesn't slow down, even if I want it to. So being in solitude and calming my mind and only focusing on Christ is so difficult- because as soon as I get to the place where I've put all my worries out of my mind, I fall asleep. On the recommendation of a friend, I did my solitude focusing on things I'm thankful for instead of trying to focus on nothing. Amazing. I didn't realize how thankful I was at this point in my life- and I'm not going to start listing things because I spent ten minutes thinking of things I was thankful for and I could have kept going. But can I just say that it changed my entire mood for the day. Even though everything went wrong, even though I missed a group meeting and was bombarded with things I needed to get done all day, I was content. I thanked God for every trial because I know it's going to prepare me for the future, and I was just content with what I had- for the first time in a long time.

I've made progress on my other goals, but not as much. I think "losing weight" has translated to "be healthy", which has translated to being healthy in every aspect of my life. In my relationship with Christ and my friends, in my physical body, spiritually, and emotionally. I feel like this week I've made great strides towards balancing my life and myself.

God's Peace and Blessings,
Rachel.

Eighteen Hours

Alright- so an update, now that I have a few moments to breathe. I love college, I love class, I love learning, I love community, and this is where I thrive. That being said, because I'm so much in love with the experience, I sometimes get overzealous. This time, I may have bit off more than I can chew on my own. I decided that I wanted to add a Psychology minor to my Social Work major- it goes really well together especially since Psychology classes can be used as "supplements for major". With all my plans for study abroad (Oxford, next fall, provided I'm accepted), I decided that I needed to add a class this semester in order to make my classes in the future not so crowded together. Taking multiple intense classes at one time is no fun. I was already taking 12 hours plus a CEU (continuing education unit- you still do all the work, you just pay less and get a pass fail grade). I've decided to take Developmental Psychology on top of my full time load, making my work load equivalent to eighteen hours. Am I insane? Maybe. Will I regret it? Maybe. Will it make me a better person? Yes. Will it make me rely more on God? Most definitely. So maybe there is a method to my madness.

As for my New Years goals.. progress check.
1. Lose weight- this has now been translated to "be healthy". I've decided I'm comfortable in the skin I'm in, and as long as I'm healthy, I don't care what numbers the scale shows. So, in order to work towards this new goal, I've been working out with my friends (slightly inconsistently). But when I miss a workout with my friends, I do abs at least by myself.
2. Expand my camera collection. This is in progress! Although all my money at the moment is going to Ukraine (a missions trip- follow that dedicated blog here), my Uncle has said that he will send me some cameras that have been in our family! How cool.  I'm sure that if I end up coming across some extra money (although highly unlikely), the next camera I want to get is an action shot, which takes four pictures on one frame. It's definitely super cool- my friend Nora has one that she found when we were thrifting and I'm super jelly.
3. Travel. Well that one was a no-brainer. But it looks like I'll be going somewhere new sooner than I thought! I've been invited to accompany my friend Jen back to her home in Colorado for spring break! We're going to hike and hang out all week, so we won't be spending a ton of money- just gas and some food. I'm really excited, because my brother has been to Colorado and I haven't yet.
4. Get a tattoo. I've talked to a friend and got a quote on what I want, but I don't have it scheduled or anything. This will probably be later on, and while I wanted to get my tattoo before I left for Ukraine, it looks like it will be more like after I get back.
5. Get better grades. Well, so far so good. Although I haven't actually had to turn in anything, just a bunch of reading. we will see how the good grades goes with 18 credit hours, but I've been taking good notes and keeping on top of my assignments. I even made a master schedule of everything that's due during the semester. so all I have to do is glance over from my desk and see what all is due this week- it's really easy to keep up with stuff that way.

That's all for now! I'm off to my missions class to learn specifics about fundraising and culture!

Bringing in the New Year!

So, since I've got a blog for my travel to Ukraine, I'm attempting to keep up a personal blog as well- and why not start by bringing in the new year? So, I've decided to start by just throwing my resolutions out there, and then moving on to introductions, although most people reading any of my blogs probably already know me.


I've always failed miserably at making resolutions for the new year- so this year, let's keep it simple.
1. Lose weight. This is something I'm already doing. It's the classic resolution, but I'm already on the path to becoming healthy, and although being healthy is my ultimate goal, losing weight is normally a byproduct of that.

2. Expand my vintage camera collection. I have 4 cameras and 1 video camera in this vintage collection- and every time I hit up a thrift store I check for a neat one to add to my collection.

3. Travel. I might as well mark this one off now- I'm going to Ukraine in late may and staying for 10 weeks- but it's always good to have a resolution that's a given.

4. Get a tattoo. It's something I've wanted to do since I was 15, and although I have plans to get many more, I want to start with a map on my back- just the outline of the continents, and then each place I travel to will get a meaningful symbol placed there. The next tattoo I'll get after that is a sparrow outline made out of the words of Emily Dickinson's Hope is the Thing With Feathers, and then a symbolic tattoo for each of my children after that.

And, last but not least...
5. Get better grades. A classic for a university student, but this is totaly feasable for me. Studying harder, paying more attention, getting help, that's not what I need to do to get better grades. While all those things would help, it's actually attending class that I need to work on. I went to a highschool that was ranked academically unacceptable three years in a row, and nobody ever made me go to class. I'd skip, not even to stay home, but just to hang out somewhere else at school. Whether it was just sitting outside with a couple of my friends, or sitting in another class because I liked that teacher better- I only ever went to class when it was absolutely necessary. I need motivation to get up and attend class, and the fact that I only pulled a 3.4 on my first semester of college is motivation enough.