Wednesday, February 8

Trust and Being Content

Oh today. It was an interesting day. I was so busy today, and everything that could have gone wrong, did. It was so frustrating to have a thousand things I needed to do but not being able to do any of them. This week is the week that professors decide to load it on. I don't know what it is about the fifth week of school, but professors love having tests this week- it's a fact known all across campus. Taking as many classes as I am though, being busy is something that I expected- and I am fully capable of keeping up.

I've made progress on being healthy- I even went to the gym this week and ate healthy! I've never been a huge fan of the gym, because I feel like all the healthy people are judging me even though intellectually I know that they are focusing on themselves. I just hate being around other people- it makes me realize how unsatisfied I am with myself. This is where being content comes in. This is something that keeps coming up everywhere I turn- and I know it's a sign from God. I'm never content with where I'm at- physically, financially, emotionally, relationshiply (if that's even a word). But this week in my missions class we are working on the spiritual discipline of "solitude"- which I have to admit is extremely hard for me. My brain doesn't slow down, even if I want it to. So being in solitude and calming my mind and only focusing on Christ is so difficult- because as soon as I get to the place where I've put all my worries out of my mind, I fall asleep. On the recommendation of a friend, I did my solitude focusing on things I'm thankful for instead of trying to focus on nothing. Amazing. I didn't realize how thankful I was at this point in my life- and I'm not going to start listing things because I spent ten minutes thinking of things I was thankful for and I could have kept going. But can I just say that it changed my entire mood for the day. Even though everything went wrong, even though I missed a group meeting and was bombarded with things I needed to get done all day, I was content. I thanked God for every trial because I know it's going to prepare me for the future, and I was just content with what I had- for the first time in a long time.

I've made progress on my other goals, but not as much. I think "losing weight" has translated to "be healthy", which has translated to being healthy in every aspect of my life. In my relationship with Christ and my friends, in my physical body, spiritually, and emotionally. I feel like this week I've made great strides towards balancing my life and myself.

God's Peace and Blessings,